Kitty In The Middle
by pemphetru
Summary: Pets. Doctor Voltaire. Rei is a Pet. Kai is around. What will happen? OOC Comedy Yaoi
1. Curiosity killed the doc?

In some lab, in some country, on some planet were everything was allowed, lived the crazy Doctor Voltaire HIWATARI (known as the Experimentor), along with his 'side-kicks', Boris (whom everyone loved to call 'Doris'), Emily (who wasn't called anything but Emily), Mariah (whom everyone called 'the Rei-Terrorizer' when she first saw, or will see Rei, but never to her face or in her presence, lest she become 'Everyone's-Terrorizer', and Supervisor of Pets of our dear Voltaire), and the Janitor that we will never know or hear about during the fic, but is mentioned anyways as thanks for all the cleaning and maintaining (called El Janitoré by you-will-know-who).

Beyblade not mine, NOTHING IS MINE! i could cry...

READ! i hope you like...

KaiReiKaiRei

Kitty In The Middle -- Chapter 1

The crazy Doctor Voltaire loved to experiment on things, especially on cute, little adorable things. He loved those cute, little adorable things so much he decorated his Private Chambers with everything pink and cute and fluffy and adorable, helped by the terrifying Mariah. As a result, the curtains were pink, the sheets were pink, the ink for his pink pen was pink, the soap was pink, hell, even the bloody name shield on the door was pink and poofy. The Experimentor wasn't crazy, he was absolutely DEMENTED!

And so is Mariah. Hell, she is the one who even inspired our more-than-crazy-enough Doc to put pink in his rooms (and other unwanted, unmentioned places). She loved everything 100x worse than Voltaire, and then some. She likes to stalk after the newest pets/experiments that the Doc (or Duck, if that's more comfortable) has brought in/adopted/tested on, and terrorize the hell out of them. This 'theory' will be tested and observed later when we see the pets' reactions and what newbie Ducky has brought us, and even easier to follow as we see her stalk Rei.

Doris loved Voltaire (he added 'allowed to kill/molest/censored and more/the great master in any way' in the job contract he signed), but asks himself why his boss/icky-gross-infatuation-thingy decided to name himself after a French philosopher from the XVIII century (don't we all), and spends most of his time bullying the Pets (well, TRYING to), and ogling Rei.

And then there was Emily. What can I say? Smart, has glasses on, orange hair… but this is new: DOES NOT STALK Rei OR ANY OTHER UBER-CUTE EXPERIMENT. She just experiments on him when the Experimentor is gone. Very nice person, she gives a lot of cookies (which contain some illegal chemicals courtesy of Voltaire that we do not know of! Why illegal in a planet where everything is allowed? This is a fic. Leave it be.).

As we were saying, there was a crazy Doctor Voltaire Hiwatari. The afore mentioned lab lays beneath a huge castle, modelled after the gothic castles and cathedrals in Europe, of which Voltaire has been obsessed since he discovered who his name belonged to. Even the dungeons where there, but they were used for completely different reasons by Doris (we will absolutely NOT go into any details, I want to finish this fic without any trauma! I don't think any of you do!). the building being a castles, we can guess that there are a large number of rooms. But who do they belong to? Besides the other characters above?

Kai Hiwatari, for one. As the grandson of our Doc, therefore also his #1 favourite experimental subject, has the biggest chamber in the West Wing, the chamber farthest from the Doc's, who slept in the East Wing (no duh!) because he liked to watch the sun rise (and attempt to reach the non-existent philosophical side of himself). Now that automatically meant for Kai that he had to hate the Sunrise (even if he secretly adored it).

And Tala Ivanov and Bryan Kusnetstov, for another. They were the current resident of the other largest rooms in the West Wing. Actually, those three rooms in the West Wing were equal in size and luxury, and they all have the same reason for living there. We have just started with Kai as he is the Doc's grandson. If they hate him so much, then why do they live in the same place? Well, that might have something to do with the uber-cute-and-censorable Pets, but we don't know as of yet…) we will later observe their relationship a tad more precise as we move forward…

Not only do their living (aka experimenting) quarters look really gothic and god-forsaken, even the location was incredibly… nuts; on the top of a hill, surrounded by forests, in the middle of no-where, we could, no, should wonder where the hell he gets the electricity bills and internet and mail from… oh well, no use beating around the bush when we shouldn't know about pirated--- oh shit… oops…

ahem acheuh The building! Yes! The location! Anyways, there was a pool in the glass house in the back yard, where most of the Pets were to be kept (specially the uber-cute ones that have a nag for attracting molesting hands from all over), guarded, fed, 'played' with, and such.

My, you surely say, why such a long introduction of the bloody place? What is so special about a darn castle that we won't even see the details of during the rest of the fic?

Why don't we go see…?

Voltaire was happily strolling down one of the many hallways of the castle, in the direction of his glass house, thinking what he could do to his new arrival; a cute, adorable, part-kitty-like boy, with huge golden eyes with a collar with 'Rei' written on it. When he entered the glass house, he couldn't help noticing that the little basket in which his part-kitty-boy sleeps in was empty.

You could practically see the three dots running through his head before he screamed…

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY KITTY!"

KaiReiKaiRei

R/R at least 8 or no update!


	2. Rei and Kai

well, this is the second chapter! I am so happy to see that all my readers are happy with my story! ENJOY!

Disclqimer: I would LURV to but I hafta go... somewhere... to do important things... and stuff... runs away from disclaimer

Kitty In the Middle

Chapter II - Rei and Kai

Rei POV

Rei was walking down the 16th hallway of the pretty, big… huge… house-thingy that was in front of the 'glasshouse', as the freaky old man with the huge shnozz (Voltaire) called it.

"Where am I?" he thought to himself.

He had never been so happy when the FOMWTHS (aka the freaky old man with the huge shnozz, as we will now know him) had left the huge glass house. The guy was really freaky. He was just minding his own business, bathing in a lovely pond, when this loud thing came behind him and bagged him. He had no idea how long that was ago, as he was unconscious until he woke up in a really, really, really soft blanket in a basket (which were thankfully no where near freaky pink). That soft part was the good one. The bad one was that the first thing he got to see was the huge shnozz he now feared. That was the first thing he saw from the Duck, though… That was the scariest thing he had seen in his entire (small and adorably cute) life.

As the freaky perverted Shnozz took him from the pond naked, he had to wrap the blanket around himself, tying it up with a rope he found lying next to him. Shnozzy probably used that to tie the bag up.

Now, Rei was walking in what looked like a dress with a rope-belt around his waist, his long, silky hair trailing behind him, the collar on his neck hanging very obviously around his neck, making him look even more cute (as if his huge eyes weren't cute enough :p). Nearly tripping for the 4th time, Rei took the front of his 'dress' in his hands to prevent his feet from getting caught again.

He took the next turn, and stopped abruptly, for what he saw, he had never seen in his life before…

The two opposite walls of this hall were covered in paintings. Humongous, bigger than life sized portraits. Amazed, he slowly walked across them, taking his time to observe and comment to himself the portraits.

The warriors, lords, science men (he could guess by the details) were stunningly handsome, the Ladies were ethereally beautiful, such grace and pride radiated form them even though they were jut paintings. Nearing the end of the hall, Rei screamed all of a sudden; it was him, the shnozz! That couldn't be possible! That ugly looking piece of dirty… stuff couldn't be related to those heavenly beings before! The shnozz was out of place! Good Lord!

Turning away from the horrifying mixture of colour (the guy didn't even have a sense of colour. I mean, who the heck wears fuchsia balloon looking breaches with a neon blue tank top and a bright pink bow!), his breath was caught in his throat when he stared at the beautiful image before him…

Kai POV

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY KITTY!"

BOOM!

Hearing the horrid sound waves travelling throughout the castle all the West Wing, Kai fell off his very comfortable bed, only to land on the not-so-very-comfortable carpeted floor, his book astray on the floor as well, lying next to his head.

Damn that freaky pervert to hell.

He couldn't believe that he, of all people, was related to him. At all. The shnozz, besides other stuff, was unwelcome to the Hiwatari Tradition of Looking Good. In every. Single. Way.

Cursing rather un-attractively, he stood up and stomped out of his roo-chamber noisily, heading towards the Glasshouse (he could tell by the intensity of the wail the distance between him and the freaky huge shnozz owner. Try living with that for your whole life. It will works.), imagining the most cruel things he could do to Voltaire if he weren't dependant of his (unusually high) allowance.

He ran down the many hallways, screeching to a halt when he spotted something new… something beautifully new…

Taking a few steps back, he couldn't help but stare at a breath taking being with golden eyes, and next to them, a pair of ice blue and silver---

WHAT THE FUCK!


	3. Rei's Cuteness vs Pervertedness

HAHAHAAAAAAA! FOUR reviews! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy1! Well, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter like the rest of the others!

* * *

Chapter III - Rei's cuteness vs. Pervertedness

* * *

Rei couldn't help but stare at the most beautiful image before him.

Two really hot guys, standing in front of him; one with ice blue eyes, the other with clear silver.

"Hello there. What's a pretty little thing like you doing in such a large, labyrinth-like place like this?"

O… kay… Rei was at loss for words now. What did Bluey say just now? His ears were still ringing form the Great and Terrifying Shnozz' or FOMWTHS (1) maniacal laughter; the first thing he heard form IT when he was kidnapped. Even in the bag he could hear that frigginly loud and annoying voice; so much actually that now, his ears were ringing. What? His ears were sensitive, it's no wonder he still can't hear anything.

Not to mention, they were covering the last painting of the hall! He wanted to see if the last one was as much of a disappointment as the one right before, or not. But he supposed they could be excused; two hot, sexy, delicious guys in front of him, looking down at him, with those sexy eyes—no! Rei, mind out of there NOW! Do not succumb to the—wow hot ass.

Then he remembered his ears. Oh, great; the ringing just had to interrupt his lovely ogling… Pff, wasn't that bad; if he was correct, this ringing would get away soon, a few hours at most, a few minutes at least. he was such a lucky kitty! Haha! Yay! Happy dance! Happy dance!

While our Rei kitty was doing his little happy dance in his head, our two new perv—characters didn't stop at one question. Not at all. Our resident Bluey, the red head with blue eyes, and his companion were sprouting evil-perverted-not-very-good-sign-smirks on their faces.

"Awww, look Bryan, our little kitty is speechless. Did I say something wrong?" the red head asked.

"I don't know Tala." answered the purple haired one, Bryan. "Maybe I should try?"

The smirk they both sprouted magnified, now containing an expression that suggests many things of which sensitive people, minors and virgins better not know of, and that can get the Greater of all Perverts to nosebleed to death. Seriously. No touchy. Half-way through reaching out to I, they heard loud footsteps rushing their way, a swish as whatever it was crossed them, a screech, and a…

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

…from the really hot guy that was the actual 'whatever it was' from earlier.

"Owie, that hurt… why are you all so loud…?"

I only just got his hearing back when the silver eyed dude said something about "… ould try?".

Our dear kitty was about to jump of joy when he registered how both of them were reaching out for him (his waist actually, or ass, depending how you want to visualize and justify their actions XD), how some thing whizzed by, screeched real loud, came back and screamed a sentence possessing a vile word in it.

All this commotion caused his ears to hurt more (not totally dysfunction again), so much so he couldn't register that the one who just stopped was a REALLY HOT PIECE OF ASS.

As a result, he squinted his eyes shut, brought his hands to hold and massage his ears, and as such wasn't able to see that he was getting looks, nor did he notice his 'dress' slip form his shoulders slightly, revealing chest and smooth shoulders, nor did he pay attention to the puddle of drool pooling at the other three's feet.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle…

"WHERE'S MY KITTY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM! MY PRECIOUS, HOT NEW PET! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"A NEW PET? WHERE? DOCTOR, WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE? WHERE DID HE GO? WHERE DID YOU PUT HIM? I WANNA EXPERIMENT!

"A NEW PET! YEAH, NEW STALKER MATERIAL! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I SHALL PUT PINK RIBBONS AND OTHER STUFF ON HIM! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"… Idiots…"

* * *

MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! ANOTHER CHAPTER DONE! AND NOW, please make my day and update... i am going to need all the encouragement with all my exams coming up... 

**(1) See chapter 2**


	4. Meet The Pervs

Hehehe well, This is the chapter 4 of my beloved baby... KITTY IN THE MIDDLE! Believe it or not, this was written before Lil' Red Ridding Hood! CX MY BABY! Shame that every one prefers the LRRH more then KITM... cries don't worry baby, I WILL ALWAYS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUOUOU!

ahem while I go sing Whitney Huston's song, why don't you all go read this?

* * *

Chapter IV: Meet The Pervs

* * *

After finding his kitty-basket empty, Voltaire ran into the castle, down the basement, into the wall that separated the basement from the lab, rubbed his nose and said the password, ran into the lab, grabbed Doris by the collar, and screamed: 

"WHERE'S MY KITTY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM! MY PRECIOUS, HOT NEW PET! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

To which Boris answered:

"A NEW PET? WHERE? DOCTOR, WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE? WHERE DID HE GO? WHERE DID YOU PUT HIM? I WANNA EXPERIMENT!"

… followed by Mariah's:

"A NEW PET! YEAH, NEW STALKER MATERIAL! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I SHALL PUT PINK RIBBONS AND OTHER STUFF ON HIM! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

…and ending with Emily's:

"… Idiots…"

A few more minutes of running around like crazy, of strangling Boris, of swearing rather creepily about some pink ribbons, and of staring at the Boss strangling Boris while calling everyone idiots, they all sat down in a circle on the floor, ready to talk about wtf the problem was.

All besides Emily; she was the one who suggested this, so she got the chair and the clip board.

"Okay, so, Boss, why did you come running down the stairs again? You left another dent in the wall! You know how expensive it is to get these walls repaired! At least cut the dent-thingy down to once a day if you must!"

"… mumble mumble … yes Emily… " -pout-

"And you Boris, don't go on about wanting to experiment on pets just to suck up on the Doc; you blow up most of them in the end anyway. So don't. touch. The new. Pet. Capiche? That's my department." ( her department… where will Kai fit in there…?)

"grumble… yes Emily…"

"And you Mariah, what the hell do you think you're doing, claiming that –you- of all freaks will stalk and 'decorate' the new pet? You very well know that that privilege is reserved to the Boss."

"What are you saying bitch? I have a right to do that! I'm getting paid for that!"

"No you're not! That's my privilege!"

"But Boss…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh my God… why do I even bother…?"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it all started from the beginning; shouts, screams, yells cam from all over the place. Emily just sat on her chair, sweat dropping, as the circle broke and the other three fell at each other's necks. On her clip board, she wrote…

Our three resident bishies were rooted to the (Persian and expensive) carpeted ground for the first time in there entire lives. Kai, as grandson of a really rich perverted ass, and Tala and Bryan, as his 'best enemies', they never had any reason to be rooted anywhere, let alone for anyone. They were hot (no duh!), they had style, they were rich (well, Kai was; Bryan and Tala were just there to profit of that.), everyone fell at their feet, even fell –drooling- at their feet; and now? THEY are drooling at a very cute kitty's feet, a very cute kitty who' lips, pink and full, stuck out in a pout, his skin presented to them like a five star dish, his hair falling around him like a halo, his voice ringing out like the most precious of silver bells… In short they were drooling at a cute little boy with (they were sooooo sure) a tight lil' ass, with an aura that said: 'FUCK ME! I'M HERE AND ALL YOURS! COMPLETELY AT YOUR DISPOSAL!'

And who in their right state of mind would be ready to ignore such a proposition?

Not them in any way.

"Hey, why are you all staring at me? Did I do something wrong? Are you guys okay? You're bleeding…"

Aaa… such a sweet voice… how would that sound in be--- wait, bleeding?

Stuffing their nose with some tissue (Where they found that, I do not know.) to prevent themselves from bleeding to death (hey, they still want to do something to Rei! They have plans in life too, you know! XD even if their 'plans' exclude nearly everything expect... '), they hurried to introduce themselves, all of them taking a sexy pose.

"Hey there, kitty, I'm Bryan. Young, stamina full, and at your every disposal."

(A/N: -drool- wish he were at my disposal… don't you?)

"Hello" looks at collar "Rei -name said in a sultry voice-, my name is Kai… if you need anything, just call for me…"

"Hi, kitty, I'm Tala. If you ever get tired of those two beginners, just give me a ring." –wink-

"Hi! I'm Rei, I'm a Neko-Jin! Nice to meet you!" He gave a bow, not seeing how six eyes racked over his back as his hair fell to his side.

Taking his hand, Tala returned the gesture, giving a very –nice- smile.

"Nice to meet you too!"

"Shut up, Georgina, and get your fingers off of him. Now." (1)

"Or what?"

A low rumble interrupted what could have become an argument.

"Hey, guys, I think I'm kinda hungry…"

The three pairs of eyes turned to him once more, their really really really really disturbed minds understanding what they wanted ( I think you can guess), eyes blazing furiously, bodies lunging towards a really cute, hot, 'ready-to-be-taken-however-and-whenever-you-want' little kitty…

* * *

**In Japan Tala's name is Yuuriy, which means George. CX

* * *

**

** MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You shall ALL review! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! ahem I **mean, You Shall All PLEASE Review, for I shall be for ever grateful and update faster! cx

cries again MY POOR BABYYYYYYYY!


	5. Drigger

HEYS! CHAPTER 5 IS FINALLY HERE! ENJOY!

Disclaimer: see chp. 1. I am so unhapi...

* * *

Chapter V: Drigger

* * *

Three hot-to-die-for guys lunged for the fourth, a really cute, hot, 'ready-to-be-taken-however-and-whenever-you-want' little kitty…

… only to have him snatched away beneath their noses by another, a tall hot boy, with white-strapped-black ears and tail, slightly resembling a white tiger, who landed behind them, in the big hallway, so he could escape if they ever tried to attack him. Aka a Pet.

"Drigger, what the F do you think you're doing?" the three 'Snatchers' asked the 'Intruder'.

"I'm saving a kitten from three hungry predators, that's what. Now if you'll excuse me, our kitten is hungry."

"THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR! WE WERE ABOUT TO HELP HIM!"

"Oh, shut up, you three hornballs. He's hungry for food. Not to mention---"

"DRIGGER! YOU'RE BACK! WHERE WERE YOU THE WHOLE TIME! WE MISSED YOU!"

"… Bye!"

With that, our new character Drigger ran off (to the kitchens I think), and left place t othree other hot guys, namely three pets; who else would have wings, tails, fangs and really hot, -ready-to-melt-your-horny-ass auras besides Tala, Kai and Bryan?

Bryan was the first one to react.

"O… kay…" -twitching eyebrow- "What the HELL do you three think you were doing?"

All of them answered in the same time: "Oh, nothing, we were just strolling by a corner in the bath house--"

" -- when we accidentally saw Drigger--"

" -- and he looked so hot in his naked, wet skin soaking in the bath water, we couldn't help but--"

And this went on and on and on… Eventually, they realised that their rambling was just taking over the time they could have used for looking for Drigger (hot hunk of ass, as they called it.), and asked – more like yelled – not-so-very-politely 'Where the fuck did he go?'

After a ling time of explaining, arguing, some kicks and a few punches here and there, thumps included, and other forms of violence that I will not describe for fear of scaring a few of my readers, they finally came to a conclusion…

… both hot kitties were…

… in …

… the…

* * *

"Okay, WHAT are you two doing in the kitchen!"

Well, that took quite some time. Our three, now six Seme-bishes finally found out where they were. They tried the bath house, the broom cupboards (36 of them. This is a palace we're talking about; do you know how huge this place is? Besides they were horny), in the storage room a room that takes up, like, the space of 2 ¾ football fields and was really really really full, they were even considering searching Voltaire's room, but decided against it, as no one, no matter how desperate, would ever dare to enter that room.

So, being the very smart young healthy men they are (they are about as smart as Shikamaru from 'Naruto'), how come they thought of every place besides the kitchen? Well, they are healthy young men, and they have needs, and in this particular time, their minds are focused on nothing but those needs, and to their now-sex-driven minds, how was the kitchen any use to them? The kitchen table would just break, and the cook would have a fit before a heart attack if he saw anything inappropriate on the tiles of the walls and floor, and on the fridge doors or counter tops.

So really, how in any way could the kitchen be of any use? That question was answered when their throats started to protest, their bodies dehydrated from all their sweating, and called for water, more like this:

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR! "

Not wanting to give up their search, they ignored that plea, until they could practically feel their own bodies beating them with a paper fan for being so stubborn. Men. -shakes head-

Naturally, they entered the kitchen and stopped at the doorway abruptly with comically wide open mouths when they saw the two very OOH (Objects Of Horniness) at the table, munching away happily and chatting in some language, probably Chinese. Afterwards came the question written above.

Drigger was the one to answer.

"We are here, gentlemen, eating our long awaited dinner, which was, no thanks to you, delayed by a few minutes. And now you; what took you so long to find us? Are you that sex-driven? Idiots."

While the Doc's grandson and his two chums stood there, still trying to get used to the idea that their kitty was there, NOT in -The Bedroom- (I'll explain later), the other three decided to join Drigger and Rei at the table. Let's introduce them, shall we?

Wolfborg, the Wolf Pet, sat at the other side of Drigger, his lefty being occupied by Rei; blue eyes, long silver hair, and a voice to die for. Dranzer (I dunno why people represent dranzer as a woman…); the Phoenix Pet, a real rarity, red hair and gold-red eyes, and the Falcon Pet, Falborg, with ice-crystal eyes and purple-silver hair, both with wings, sat opposite the other three.

(A/N: sry, I dunno the names if their bitbeast…)

"Well, Drigger darling, where were you the last three and a half weeks? We--" Wolfborg pointed out three of them "were looking for you every where!"

"I was in my first heat."

"WHAT!"

"Yup! That's why I left; what was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey guys I'm in my first heat wanna go for a romp?' Hell no."

"Why not?"

At that Drigger almost thunked his head on the table; what idiots… Then he remembered something…

"Hey, Kai and co, you might have to wait a while if you want Rei… There's some thing with us Pets that's called the Rule of the Younger. You might be mature enough to mate, but Rei is still a kit, a child, so…"

* * *

CX THERE! Chapter 5! Chapter 6 will come only when I GET 7 REVIEWS! ...okay, make that 6, to be more merciful... MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! I SHALL SEND -looks at rabid caged sex-deprived tala kai and bryan- AND EVEN -caged Voltaire brooming his duplo car- IF I HAFTA! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! -cough- -cough- -hack-

As a side note: Chapter 5 of Lil Red Riding Hood will come when the next 5 readers review... nn I am so cruel... MUAHAHAHAHA -cough- -cough- eheheheee...


	6. The Reason

Ya well, I hate waiting, even for reviews... SO HERE I NUMBAH 6! ANDJA BETTA ENJOY! CX XD

Well, first I wanna bless all those who reviewed and liked, all those who liked and all those who had the courage to challenge their sanity into reading this, and CURSE all those who DIDN'T review, who didn't like and who didn't hve the guts to tell MOI! But hey! THAT WOULD INCLUDE ME! SO, I DON'T curse you guys at all! CX welll READ AND REVIEW! But really this time... I feel like I am useless...

* * *

Chapter VI: The Reason

* * *

-THOMP-

The sound of the three 'I-have-the-hots-for-Rei-kitty' boys dropping on the floor echoed through the kitchen (which isn't all that small either; 390 m2 ), shortly followed by three voices vocalising a dramatic:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

… and:

"WHO AM I GONNA –censored- WHENEVER I AM HORNY!"

.. and not to mention the fake, theatralic tears, hysterical sobs and testaments. Really really. I know Kai, Tala and Bryan are really OOC, but bear with me!

Yes, they were rather… disappointed?... that they couldn't do anything to Rei, in Rei, on Rei, etc… , in or out of bed, in the closets, the bathtub, kitch—no, they would be in trouble-- , against the walls, in the hall ways… and how many hallways are there in this palace? Pff, let's just say, even a phoenix would catch fire three times before he even got half-way, and they life 500 years! Geez, Voltaire is a real freak…

Anyways, back to our scene; after their over-dramatic–yet–rightfully–justified reactions, they had a cup of tea given to them by Rei and sat around the table. No, they never drank tea, but their eyes were too glued on the uber cute image of a shy (and to their eyes, sexy) Rei offering a fresh cup of green tea, a beverage they otherwise claimed to be allergic to. Rei is a wonderful influence, isn't he? I wonder if he could convince them to give me a lap dance – oops, wrong subject, back to story! Sorry, XD!

"So, now that you three have calmed down, will you listen to me?" Drigger asked impatiently, with Rei leaning his head on his shoulder, purring.

Noticing that none of them were listening to him, but paying more attention to the purring, he asked the younger to stop, earning three creepy pouts from the humans (they're not Pets; I don't know what to call them else…) and an adorable one from Rei, all to those he sweat dropped.

"So" our purple haired hot stuff asked "Why can't we –censored- Rei? What do you mean not mature enough? Do Pets also have a legal age for that or something? Cos Kai, Tal and I—"

"Yes, I know you've done it first so young you could have been arrested, do NOT talk about your early-appearing and never-ending sex drive, I just had my first heat and Rei – I'll explain: if you haven't noticed, we Pets are part animals; that means that we have some animal characteristics, like heat, nesting period, hunting senses, fangs, tails, wings, etc etc… and are considered 'adult' as soon as they can mate, aka have kids, romp, have hot steamy sex, yadda yadda yadda, and any activity before that can result into a very pained – in this case – uke, very furious adults, in this case, the rest of the Pet population within 600 miles around him, and very mutilated Semes, in this case: you. So, if you make ONE wrong steps, you can kiss your genitalia good bye."

That shut their drooling pie holes real tight. They did NOT want to lose the most important part of their bodies that they otherwise /think/ with, most of the time .

"Hmm… well, maybe not you Georgina… you might no have much to offer…"

"SHUT UP!"

Meanwhile, in the underground laboratory, Emily managed to (somewhat) bring some organisation. Mariah was tied up, hanging from the ceiling from an over sized hook, chained and mouth stuffed by an old sock; Voltaire was given a bunch of Duplo and a rubber ducky to fool around with (not that way, I'm not sick!); Boris was given sunglasses that showed every single series from the Teletubbies (I have NO idea how to spell that…); Emily was sitting on the foldable chair, a clip board in one hand and a pen in the other, a smug grin plastered on her face. Freaky woman you might think. But remember: she loves to experiment; and, besides, it was so much fun to watch your boss 'vrrrroummm'-ing with a Duplo car on the carpet. Yup, it really was.

She gave them all, especially the Hanging Horror Of Pink (aka Mariah), a stern and /evil/ look, before turning back to her clip board, where she continued to doodle about clumsily a bit more.

What did she doodle?

She doodled herself carrying a laser-gun, which she directed to Mariah, who had an ugly pug-face.

Voltaire was dancing around in a huge Big Bird suite (ever seen Sesame Street?).

Boris was in a dark box, so you couldn't see him. Imagine a rough square, coloured pitch black in the middle with two white spots for eyes.

And they all looked so crooked. Every single one of the drawings were funnily crooked. So… deformed.

She was about to start a Kai drawing when she noticed how Voltaire slowed down his 'vrroooouummmmm'-ing , and threw him another car on the forehead, which bounced off with an empty sound that kinda went bomp. Voltaire didn't seem to notice the car bump off his forehead, but picked it up anyway and smashed it against the other ones.

Geez what a freak. That was such a weird view…

Oooh, how fun it was to watch your boss practically eating out of your hand…

… speaking of which…

"Doctor Voltaire, get your mouth OFF my fingers; you just had your lunch, and I have nothing hidden from you. So OFF!"

* * *

THERE! CX SO REVIEW AND BE BLESSED WITH A LOT OF KAIREI WET DREAMS! Or be cursed with disgusting images of Boris and Voltaire... MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


	7. In The Dinning Hall

-sigh- Kai'sgrl is such a sweet person... even begged Moi formally... **SO THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO HER**! Honestly, I never flet so flattered in my life... am I really that good?

ENOUGH WITH THW RAMBLINGS AND THE MODESTY! ON WITH THE FIC! And please don't forget to thank Kai'sgrl nn :p

* * *

Chapter VII: In The Dinning Hall

* * *

/… heat. Silky, tight, wet, warm, heated skin; that was all he could feel. Hands caressing his most sensitive skin, smooth thihgs, gentle fingers, hot breaths, a moist tongue, swift fingers, long, silky, smooth, black hair, golden eyes--/

DRIIIIIIIIIINNNGGG!

/… an alarm clock…/

AN ALARM CLOCK!

'What did that have to do with my wet dream about Rei?' Kai asked himself, after dropping rather unceremoniously off his bed at the shrill cry of the now-unwanted time indicator, ending with a big bump on his head (now looking like a swollen mushroom).

Kai sighed sadly at the memory of Drigger's threat to his modesty (not really actually… proof: his fourth birthday. No comment. Later, promise .); and that was only yesterday… he sooooooooooo wanted to cry…

Kai walked towards the Dining hall, his clothed rumpled and eye bags hanging rather obviously from lack of sleep (which is practically impossible: it was noon already); as he stopped in front of the door, he noticed how his 'Rei-Rivals', as he so nicely put it, looked almost exactly as he did (he was the hottest, of course nn). They other two had they same things on their minds… They were alike in so many ways…

WAIT! That means…!

"HOW DARE YOU WET-DREAM ABOUT MY REI-REI!"

What followed afterwards? A nice, gentle tumble between friends. Yeah, right…

Drigger woke up groggily, something warm and cuddly in his arms, cooing, and a hard thing poking at his posterior. A long, hard thing. Drigger gently made sure that Rei was lying on the bed he now shared (he pushed gently), finding the basket too –suspicious- (who wouldn't after all the –ahem- -adult- accessories in there? Not me! -looks innocent-), and kicked his foot backwards, and heard a loud "OW!". Now why wasn't he surprised?

"Falborg, what were you doing behind me?" asked Drigger as he turned around to face the falcon Pet that lay, with a big mark on the now-very-swollen jaw, on the floor, clutching said jaw. "I thought you slept on the other side of this part of the glasshouse? And that's, like, how many meters from here? 12? Psshh."

"Not my fault!" complained the other Pet, pouting very cutely (although Drigger won't admit it nn) "you were making weird noises an' you were cuddlin' with that other kitty an' I thought it wasn' fair an' I—"

"—thought that he could just jump in bed with you just like that."

"Thank you oh so very much for interrupting me, Dranzer. Very nice of you. Jackass."

"You're welcome. You should have seen him, Drig, you kept pushing, punchin, kicking, thumping him off, and every time he would crawl back. That was funny!"

"Shut up. I wasn' the only one! You and Wolfborg were there too!"

"'Afff noh troo!" (That's not true!) interjected a voice from underneath the bed. Three guesses who that was.

"See? What did I tell you?"

Dranzer felt his eyebrow twitch at both their statements, dived from under the bed (where he –coincidently- was sleeping) onto Falborg, followed by Wolfborg, and all three started to strangle the hell out of each other. (A/N: What can I say? Like beyblader, like bit beast! XD)

Shaking his head, Drigger turned back to face Rei, and after checking the time shortly, shook him gently.

"Rei-Rei, wake up kitten, it's already noon, you should eat something. Koneko?" (kitten)

"Nnng…" Rei gave out a slight moan, before stretching his arms above his head and his legs and toes; he then sat up, shook his head in a very cute way (when isn't he cute? I mean really!) and peered at the older feline through half-lidded eyes that would make our three perverts (the ones currently fighting in front of the Dining hall) instantly die of severe blood- and other fluids'-loss. Really really.

Sensing that Rei was still half asleep, Drigger picked him up and carried him to a separate room in the glass house, where he could dress him properly and not have him run around in some frock that nearly killed their food source (aka the Hiwataris); he settled him down before he opened the closet, only to find half of the clothing there piled up instead of neatly stacked. That ticked him.

Bending down to pick up the clothing that lay around, he felt six pair of small, sharp pointy things at his buttocks. Both of them. That ticked him more. He dropped the pieced of cloth in his hands, turned around to see the three useless dick heads cowering, looked down at his arse to find six pairs of holes that were, coincidently, in the place were canines were supposed to be were he bitten there, and let out an aura of Total Destruction (that he would later on teach Rei for self-defence), followed by something very unexpected…

"If. Any. Of. You. Do. That. Again. I will personally make sure that Doctor Voltaire will castrate you as planned years ago. Comprende?"

Ouch. That really hurt. That threat wasn't used since forever. And knowing Drigger, he would fulfil that threat. Little did HE know that he –himself- wouldn't allow that if he wanted to get laid by some people who won't cum until –after- they got in him and him to climax, and not before that at the very sight of him. Ooo what a bad boy! XD

After he got Rei dressed in a very suitable frock (a sort of tunic thing, with a –rather- low V-cut that showed a nice portion of his chest, tights and soft leather boots), the best he could find in the proper-clothing-deprived closet, Drig led him by the hand to the Dining hall, both of them followed by the Trio (who forgot the earlier events because of the enticing ass presented before them). Then it happened. They saw the only thing that was to be expected from a bunch of hormone driven –men-.

They heard three voices scream: "HOW DARE YOU WET-DREAM ABOUT MY REI-REI!"

… and they saw the three hot MEN turned into three annoying BOYS fighting for their favourite candy (which was actually true in some way… -smile-), rolling around in an imaginary cloud of dust, fists going in every direction, cries of war echoing (figuratively), thrashing and pushing from every direction… all that for a kitty who asked:

"Hey, guys, what's a wet dream?"

That's when all the commotion stopped. The doors of the Dining hall opened, revealing a very impressive room, a U shaped table with silver cutlery, foods of all kinds towering on the plates, silk table cloths, and…

…a freakily big nose at the head of the table. I mean, Doctor Voltaire was at the head of the table, with a freaky pink fluffy chair on his right (Emily left her hanging in the lab. Really.), a starry-eyed idiot on his left (Doris), next to whom sits a very disappointed girl with huge spectacles. Voltaire was poking at his spaghetti with a suspicious thing that looked like some fork you found in a cereal box for 2 year olds, Doris was twirling his fork while staring starry-eyed at the nose (I have no idea what he sees in that nose, nor do I wanna know…), the pink fluffy chair was still empty, and Emily looked like she wanted to dunk her head on the table real hard. Who wouldn't with that company.

When Rei took his seat (on the chair nearest to the exit, Drigger insisted) and started to pick on the food before him, Voltaire screamed: "MY KITTY! THERE YOU ARE!" immediately taken over by Boris': "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL VOICE!" continued by Emily's: "Oh, brother…", terminating with a loud "BONK", emanating from the attempted lounge of Voltaire, who did said lounge but was restrained by the elastic rubber seat belt he was forced into by Emily for safety precautions (thank God for Emily, what would we do without her?).

Drigger took his seat next to Rei, serving himself food on his plate, when he noticed three shadows behind him creeping towards Rei's butt.

"Drig, where are you going?" asked Dranzer.

"I'm going to remove their heads."

"Which one? Up or down?"

"The one they currently think with."

* * *

HAhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa got the last sentence? If you didn't: what other part of the body besides their actual head HAS a head? nn GUESS! If you still don't know, then update at least 6! I know that no one will update up to that number, but still. THE ANSWER IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OBVIOUS! 


	8. Enters The Threat

This chapter is a shorter one, so sorry to say. And I know that no one reads THIS PART because I am so utterly boring and irritating, so ON WITH IT! BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Dedicated to **sun thief** and **Kai's kitty**, because they are at the moment the most faithful reviewers I have... -sniff- I LOVE YOU PPLEZ! XD

* * *

Chapter VIII: Enters The Threat

* * *

Dinner was rather… uneventful. Or as uneventful as can be in this crazy household: Boris started to count the peas on his plate (which was really stupid: there were no peas. Talk about being an idiot…), Emily changed her seat so she could sit between the Boss and Rei, to make sure he stay where he was and forget about Rei (his swinging his fork about like a toy plane is doing a good job with that), who was happily (but properly) eating his long awaited food (see chap. 2); on his other side sat Drigger, who was doing his best to protect Rei from the Trio of Doom (Rei's virginity's doom), who were trying to explain to him what a wet dream was (unsuccessfully, with Drig around). In front of him were his not-so-secret-nor-discreet admirers, bantering him about his first heat, about 'why didn't you go to us we could have helped you -crying dramatically-'. Yup, very uneventful. 

Until some other dudes came in. guess who it was. DAMN RIGHT!

"EMILY! How dare you leave me hanging there! BOSS! DO SOME… thing…?"

* * *

Mariah. What's new? Three guesses to what she will say next. Now, while you're guessing, let's witness our three HOT bishies flirting with Rei and attempting to explain the 'wet dream': 

"Hey there hottie, didn't you want to know what a wet dream was?"

"Yeah, what is a wet dream?"

Tala's words were caught in his throat for a while, while he and his other two buds looked how Rei licked the sauce off his fingers (he ate chicken wings).

"Uuuh… helloooo? Guys? What are you looking at?" What they were looking at? Well, they were looking at a pair of flush and sweet lips pronouncing some intelligible words with such a honey soaked voice, their mouths hanging open and a pond of imaginary drool pooling in their empty, about-to-be-filled soup bowls.

"Uuuh -ahem- -ahuh- we could show you if you like!" Kai raised one of his eyebrows sexily (no duh when isn't he sexy?)

"So this wet dream thing is shown? Interesting." Our curious little kitten replied.

"Hey guys" Drigger jumped in, smiling –very- -suspiciously- sweetly "Did you just say you wanted to –show- him?"

Tala, Kai and Bryan paled so bad it looked unhealthy, and turned back to their plates and food; finding that soup, especially the cream soup they had that day, wasn't exactly helping their hormone-driven minds, they settled with the main course, which was…

(A/N: I soooo wanna stop here…)

Frankfurters. Yup; German sausage; could like get any worse! Hell yeah: desert was a mix of strawberries and whipped cream, shaped in a way that every portion looked like a kitty. How does that work? Use your imagination (NOT in that direction please!). They really are doomed today aren't they?

(A/N: mini question answer if you want to: do you wanna be in their place or not?)

Then they looked up to see Rei let out a Mega-Uber-Super-Hot-Pout-That-Just-Called-For-Some-Hard-Screwing-Doggie-Style-Face-In-The-Mattress&Loud-Screams-That-Could-Wake-Up-Martians-And-Get-Tehm-Horny-As-Hell. Omg, don't tell me you don't want a piece of him either? I'm the author and I do! XD

They were about to fall off their chairs, drop on their knees and let out a dramatic "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" when they heard the banging of a pair of doors and the loud irritating voice of…

* * *

Voltaire was at his end of the table playing airplane with his own fork. Then he felt bored. Wait! A light bulb lighted on his head: "I have an idea!" He then put his fork flat on the table and played car. Yeah! That's better! 

Boris counted the peas. He was upset. "You stupid peas!" he thought "how dare you be invisible! You will suffer the wrath of the Future Mrs Hiwatari! MOI!" and attacked his spaghetti with vigour and chopsticks (his fork got stuck when he bashed it in the plate earlier. I don't think you wanna know what he was thinking about…).

Drigger was about to rip off 'somebody's' head '_somewhere_' when Rei said: "Drigger, look to your other side, the two turkeys and the poodle are gonna grab your left buttock!" Drigger turned around, kitty-eyes blazing, nearly firing lightning bolts and other sharp dangerous things at said 'two turkeys and poodle'; he then 'coincidently' heard what Tala said about SHOWING a wet dream to Rei and threatened their genitalia –again-, before turning back to Rei, smiling and liking the new names for his Molesters (yes, that's their name now.), and telling him so.

That made them pout; as cute as it was, Rei saw that as a challenge, and pouted back at them, even cuter than them , of course; at that same time the other kitty-obsessed-idiots looked up, causing Rei to blush (yes, he likes the, but he's still TOO YOUNG! He doesn't know he likes them THAT way…) and them to feel the forced frustration tenfold (I love torturing them bwahahahaaaaaa). Then he saw their desert, and was about to ask them if they wouldn't mind sharing, when…

* * *

Mariah managed to untie herself from the knots and chains, but forgot she was 12 feet above ground, so fell and crashed with a very painful (and to my ears, relieving) sound. She wobbily got to her feet, and sprinted to the Dining hall. She slammed open the doors, and saw an empty room, with a note on the table saying: 

"_Mariah, _

_Sorry I forgot to tell you, we are in the other Dining hall. See ya there!_

_- Voltaire." _

Mariah crumbled the paper with a pink-nailed hand, a HUGE unattractive vein pounding on her forehead. 'He could have at least told me WHERE!'

So she spent the next few moments running around the palace, looking at every imaginable Dining hall with no success. At the fourteenth Dining hall, he could here voices, and charged like a buffalo in mating season at the door.

"EMILY! How dare you leave me hanging there! BOSS! DO SOME… thing…?"

She lost her words at the sight of the most ADORABLE thing in the world, pouting and looking soooooooooooo screwable, she could only think of…

* * *

Reaching this part of the f+&$0 story I am sure have already filled up the first R of R+R, so go to the second one; I am sure that anyone being able to keep up with whatever crap I am spitting out here can understand what R+R means... HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! REI IS MINE! -boink- KAAI! -wails- 

**Kai** Review and shut her up. She's ruining my private time with Rei.

**Tal & Bry** WHAT DO YOU MEAN **_YOUR_** PRIVATE TIME!

**all 3** _cultivated beating up between friends for Rei's buttocks and Exit (why the _hell_ do they call _it_ an entrance when stuff only come _out_! Can someone answer that?) for a loooooooooooooong time._


	9. Dinner with Consequences

HEYZ EVERYBODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! Sorry this is so late... I came back from the Czeck Republic a few days ago, I was in Bro. IT WAS COOL! All the delicious architecture... . and the parcs of the palaces... The Vranov Palace by the Thaya was MAGNIFICENT! And the Austerlitz battle field was amazing...

OOOOooooooooookay stop dreaming and whining and drooling over a peice of land that's about 120 km from here... ON WITH THE FIC!

and please enjoy it... >.

* * *

**Chapter IX:** DinDin Wivv Consequences (Dinner with Cinsequences for the smart pple...)

* * *

Yes, you were absolutely right. She thought of –censored-ing him on the spot. One could practically see the flying pink ribbons and pink S&M gear flying all over her head. Stupid pink freaky thing with stupid none-existent brain. Tch. 

-ahem- back to our story – They were about to fall off their chairs, drop on their knees and let out a dramatic "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" when they heard the banging of a pair of doors and the loud irritating voice of Mariah, and seeing her disgusting face expression, they understood that she was thinking thoughts only they were allowed to (possessive eh?) and lounged across the table to carry our Precious Pet off to the other side of the palace.

They were so much in a hurry they didn't notice Drigger leaping along with them, playing bodyguard with his three Admirers (more like Obsessors) behind them, their main gaol: protect innocent Kitty from Uber-obsessive Freak aka Mariah. They all leaped and jumped from wall, to furniture, to wall, until they saw the labyrinth (Voltaire thought it funny to build a labyrinth for his hide-and-seek game, which was more of hide-I'll-find-you-and-molest-you-when-I-did, and got lost in there instead of achieving his Master Plan of Molestation. Really funny sequence. If I get enough reviews I might even write it. Now, as everyone knew he couldn't spend three seconds in there without getting lost, they used as their sanctuary.). They hurried to the centre of the labyrinth, where they deposed him on the marble bench underneath the huge roof thingy they have in nice gardens (I have no idea what they are called… sry! nn).

"Did –puff- we lose –hah- that cursed –hah- cursed piece of crap? –pant-"

"I –hah- think so –puff- -pant-"

"I think that –hah- glasses gurl –hah- what was her name?"

"Emily… -aaargh…-"

"Yeah Emily… I think she got her…"

"Thank God for Emily! What would we do without her!"

Thank god for Emily indeed. While Rei was watching the others sprawl themselves in a rather ridiculous way, and thinking sadly about his wasted food, Emily was taking care of the over-due kindergarten in the Dining hall number 14.

When Mariah stormed in screaming her ear-murdering voice out, Emily was quick in her actions; when she saw Rei grabbed and carried away to The Safe Place (the labyrinth is the only place in the palace Voltaire was afraid to go into, besides the Girls' toilet), she took out a stun gun and shot Voltaire before he could get any crazy idea about going after his grand son three times, did the same thing to Boris (whose face fell in his pasta as he was about to declare war to the non existent peas on his plate), then took out a bazooka-like thing, aimed it and shot at Mariah, who dodged and took out her own piece of over dimensional equipment and shot back.

Voltaire could do nothing but sit back, unable to move, as he saw how his two (and only) female staff blasted the place and each other, dodging and throwing whatever they could grab out of no where in this fictive world of Fan fictions (which was every thing). Over-dimensional object after over-dimensional object appeared, annihilating, destroying, terminating the existence of anything the ammunition got to touch.

"Aaaah yes, what an entertaining dinner it is" Voltaire thought, sighing in his head, watching the scene of utter destruction before him. Oh well, why not take advantage of this and watch a free show full of violence instead of paying 12 euros for a cinema ticket for a movie that's only rated R. This was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better.

Our beloved Rei-rescuers and our beloved Rei-himself lounged about in the labyrinth, watching the huge hedges of grass rustle at the light touch of little animals and insects that promenaded through them, listening to the artificial sound of wind that they all bugged Voltaire to buy for them, relaxing and thinking about anything else that wasn't concerning their troublesome lives. Rei and Drigger sat under opposite trees, each having their Stalkers at their feet, lying and dozing off to their World of Wonderful Dreams.

Drigger was thinking about how cute Rei was and thinking of ways to protect such an epitome of innocence from sex-driven idiots, and how NOT right it was that said sex-driven idiots were lying at his feet, smiling goofily. He was ignoring his Pets (1) that were at his feet drooling at him thinking the most (in) appropriate thoughts (cx)

Rei was looking up at the tree he was sitting under, and thinking about how yummy the fruits looked that were above him. 'mmmm… apples…' he thought. He didn't notice Drigger's watchful gaze, not did he notice the drool coming out of his mouth cutely (he does everything cutely. Basta.), nor did he catch how hungrily his Pets (1) were staring at him, or how their eyes glazed as they raked his unsuspecting and chaste body and the thin line of drool dribbling down his chin, making up in their own horrid minds what Rei-Rei could be thinking about. Oh my, I have really turned them into sex fiends, have I? (A/N: WHO WANTS ONE!)

Kai didn't notice the dark aura emanating from the opposite tree, nor did Bryan or Tala. They just sat there, looking at the appetizing neck and lips, body and every thing that came with Rei. They didn't notice how they inched closer, second by second, not being able to control their bodies. The next few moments ran by like a blur. It sort of went like this:

-Kai, Tala & Bryan thoughts-

Holy shit, what a hot kitten! A forbidden fruit under a forbidden fruit tree… (He's under an apple tree.) Look at those eyes, those legs, that chest… awww, would you look at that; a pink nipple! Mmmm, -drool- how would that taste? Wait! He's shifting his legs! –whistle- geez, I wonder how far can they spread? Yes, yes, spread them a little, a bit more, a bit more – what? No, don't close! Tch; you just had to cross your legs, didn't you? Awww, so cute, never can stay angry at you! Ooo, what delicious shoulders, I could just –bite- into them, and your neck! Gosh, a beautiful swan neck, and those lips! Sinful, full plump pink lips, how soft they look… and those hands, such beautiful long fingered hands, what could those do to me… -mega drool in a bucket or two-

-In reality – Drigger P.O.V.-

'Oooooh you fiends! Thinking so openly horrendous (if practical) things! I can see it from here! Anyone can see you Mega-Drool-In-A-Bucket-Or-Two and feel your disturbing thoughts anywhere within the radius of five miles! I will eliminate you and your capacity of ever reproducing yourselves, I swear I will'

-NOW MY P.O.V.!-

On queue, he stood up, sent a message of warning through his aura that hit them like a lightning bolt, and true to my words, Kai & co stood up and bolted away, being chased by a maniacal (but really cute) Drigger with a chain saw.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, CHASING US THE INHUMANE THING!"

"I AM PLAYING TAG!"

"WHAT! WITH A CHAINSAW!"

"AND PRESERVING REI-REI'S INNOCENCE!"

"WITH A CHAINSAW!"

"HELL YEAH! NOW STAND STILL!"

"HELL NO! NOT WHILE YOU HAVE A CHAINSAW!"

"AAAAARGH, I TOLD YOU IF YOU DARE TO EVEN GO CLOSE TO HIM YOU WILL BE NEUTRALISED!" (not a word, but work with me here!)

"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"OH YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

And so they ran, back and forth, and back and forth, our three little soon-to-be-neutered boys running for their genitalia, and Drigger slicing through every thing, hedges, metal posts, hedges, the air two centimetres from their heads, hedges…

On the bench, Rei, Falborg, Wolfborg and Dranzer were passively watching the Tag game. Rei was chewing happily on the apple Dranzer gave him, sitting on Falborg's lap, the other two on either side of him. They're all Pets, so they all know the Rule of the Younger (see end chapter III), and they are in their protective-big-brother-role, so Rei is ABSOLUTELY FINE!

"So, young one, where were you before you came here?"

"I was in a pretty forest in the mountains! Over there, there is the purest water, the finest fruit, and everything is so cool!"

While the pets were chatting away about Rei's home and all, we could still hear in the back ground some other type of talking…

"WHEN I GET YOU, I WILL TIE YOU UP WITH THE ROUGHEST ROPE IN VOLTAIRE'S BASEMENT AND HANG YOU NAKED ON THE HIGHEST BRANCH IN THE GARDEN BY YOUR GENITALIA UNTIL YOU FALL OFF! GET BACK HERE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

(1) Pets: WHAT! THEY'RE THE ONES FOLLOWING HIM LIKE PETS! >. cute ne?

* * *

Enjoy much? Well, the 'Snow white' is coming along... kinda okay... Not sure when I am done with the first chapter though,... I spend a lot more time _thinking_ than actually _writing_ my fics... >.> Lazy lazy but hey, I LURF MESELF ANYWHOSE! CX 

And if you do too, THEN REVIEW! I am sure you dudes know how much I am waiting for... (looks at caged Voltaire-deprived Doris) You do know how he reacts to Voltaire-perfume right? kukukukhakhakhaaaaaa...

Oh and sorry about the 'action' scenes... kinda got carried away... sorry if they don't make sense... .


	10. A Chaosful Week

Hi pple sry I am so late, but I had no time. Tests are coming in this week, and if I am lucky, I may slip in an update for Snow White and co. during the free week that we are supposed to use for examination-review, but no garantee...

DISCLAIMER: Nuttin ain't mine...

I hate school. I hate the litterary section. I hate life. If you pple can and wanna cheer me up, loo0k on the bottom left corner of the screen, click it, and type away. And even if you flame me. I know that MANY people don't like my style of writing, dont like my ideas, don't like tha current chapter, or don't like me period, so if you wanna cheer me more, tell me your honest opinion. I am a maso. Live with it. CHEERS! NOW READ!

* * *

**Chapter X**: A Chaosful Week

* * *

A week passed since Rei's arrival, and nothing much has changed.

BOUM!

Oh, wait, they had to install booby-traps every where to prevent Mariah form kidnapping and X-ing Rei whenever she thought she got a chance of getting him alone, which was practically impossible, considering what Kai, Tala and Bryan promised Drigger the day they nearly lost their most important body parts (see previous chapter).

/Flash back/

-Drigger was chasing the Perverted Trio with a chainsaw-

(Drigger) I'LL KILL YOU!

(Trio) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Drigger) GIVE ME A REASON!

(Trio) WE'LL PROTECT REI FROM THE PINK THING WHEN YOU ARE BUSY PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM YOUR FANCLUB!

(Drigger) -stops chainsaw- OKAY!

/Flash back end/

So now, while Drigger was protecting his modesty and other stuff from HIS Trio of Doom (and doing it very well), while Kai and co. were doing their best to keep the Freakazoid away from Rei, and not figuring out how Drigger managed –that- without breaking a nerve.

… for example:

/Flash back/

"Is she gone?"

"Yeah, we lost her…"

"Phew… ahh! Rei!"

"Ya, Kai-kun?"

"You still wanna know what a wet dream is?"

"Yeah!" -MEGA-UBER-CUTE-SMILE-

"Okay, well, it's—"

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEII! I FOUND YOUUUUUU! NOW NOTHING WILL EVER SEPARATE US AGAIN!"

"—AAARGH! RUUUUN!"

/Flash back end/

… and so on and so forth… oh, what would they do to and get permission to send that horrifying Thing to a sanatorium in the brim of Hades' kingdom…

They say God created Man in his own image… who knows what he thought of or what he looked like when he created Mariah… -shiver-

Even Emily had her own 'Freaky Day'…like that one time… when Emily was really angry…

/Flash back/

"I swear, one more 'Emily you are so annoying, your booby traps don't work and I'll quit!"

"EMILY! You are so annoying your booby traps don't work!"

"THAT'S IT I QUIT!"

-gasp- "You wouldn't dare!"

"TRY ME! I demand proper respect! After all, I would bet you a grope you wouldn't last five minutes without me!"

"WE WOULD!"

"Fine!" -walks out- -slams door-

"…"

"WAAAAAAH MARIAH'S ATTACKING!"

"WE NEED MORE TRAPS!"

"NO MORE! EMILY'S NOT HERE!"

-all hide under table- "EMILY! WHERE ARE YOU! WE NEED YOU!"

-Emily walks in- "Thirty-eight seconds. Kai, you owe me a grope."

/End flash back/

And she got her grope… pervert assistant…

Another week of chaos passed… and the only improvements were Drigger's escapes, Wolfborg's speed (to catch up Drigger), Dranzer's eye sight (to spy on bathing Drigger), Falborg's thinking (he managed to make sure to –hide- properly before stalking Drigger), Emily's booby traps, Mariah's ambushes, Kai & co.'s escapades, Rei's cuteness, Voltaire's nose (didn't get bigger for once), and Boris'… well, we love our Boris just the way he is… don't we…?

But this dinner… something new happened…

They were in the 14th Dining hall, and all in their respective places; Boris on Voltaire's left, poking at his schnitzel (1), Emily on his right, surveying the hall for any disturbances, Rei between Kai and Drigger, Tala and Bryan on Kai's other side, Wolfborg and co. on Drigger's, Rei munching happily, Mariah opposite them all, planning another attacks she called herself "Free Rei From Evil" (her vision of Evil and the rest of the World's view of Good… or lesser of 2 Evils…), that everyone else calling them "Saving Rei From All Things Evil And Pink". I believe everyone was mentioned… but…

WHERE'S VOLTAIRE!

Not at the head of the table, not playing with his Bratwurst (2)…

And the doors of the hall opened, and THERE HE IS! He appeared! Do not worry, folks, Voltaire did not disappear, he's just--

"HI, EVERYONE!"

--wearing Barbie-pink Lederhosen (3)…

"Hey, Gramps, what the hell is that? Have you decided to curse this place permanently or what?"

"Hey, guess who I brought!" Voltaire was so excited he didn't realise Kai practically insulted him (I don't think he would have anyway if he paid attention…). "Look what I found! New Pets!"

"-uber-cutie-gasp- You didn't stuff them in a bag like me, did you, you big meanie!"

There were a couple of seconds of silence to let out a big "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww" for Rei's outburst, who looked more like a pouty kitten than an angry one, and then continued to look at Voltaire accusingly.

"What did you pick up this time…"

Voltaire stepped aside to show two little boys, Pets by the markings on their cheeks and the additional fauna accessories, and then followed another sequence of silence.

Behind him stood one boy with brown hair, glasses, and wings behind his back; the other had what looked like a black mane for hair, a tail whisking back and forth, a canine sticking out of his mouth.

"May I present? Kenny, an Owl, and Lee, a Lion!"

Everyone rushed up to greet the new-comers, not before knocking tying up Mariah in lightning speed, and while doing so they ran over Voltaire, literally, who now laid on the floor, flattened up comically and had foot marks all over, Boris worrying all over him. Of course, they noticed how Tala and Bryan seemed to take a liking to them; who wouldn't notice that? They were drooling so much, it would be wise to wear safety rings (the ugly red-white stripped once you find in the pool) unless someone wanted to drown…

(1) Austrian speciality, namely fried meat (mostly pork) surrounded by bread crumbs

(2) German sausage

(3) Weird shorts-thingy they wear in the mountains in Europe out of leather, going above the knee… looks really funny! Google it!


	11. The GoneWrong Afternoon

HEYS! This is an early update, but that's because I feel hapi... THE EXMAS FINISH EARLY THIS YEAR! ON THE 19th OF JUNE! PAR-TET WIV ME! CX SO! Until then please do not expect any updates of any other fics from Moi, STUDYING FIRST:3 and afterwards, I am sorry in advance for any unsatisfying and ugly-ly-written stuff... I might still be brainwashed by then...

* * *

Chapter XI: The Gone-Wrong Afternoon

* * *

Two days ago three new Pets arrived. Yes three. Behind Lee and Kenny, on the floor, was a blond boy sleeping under the blanket. No one saw him, he was lying down, they only realised (or just remembered) his existence because of a really loud snore. It shook the windows. They didn't bother waking him up, the other two objected that thought immediately. Why? We're about to see…

They all sat in a living room (on the other side of the Palace where Volty couldn't find them) in front of the fire place, all of them nicely squishggled (not a word don't care; mixture of squished and snuggled; I make up words a lot; get used to it; and btw, they're comfy) in fluffy cushioned sofa-chairs, big enough for two, and the good news is that they are all paired up with who they wanna be: Tala and Kenny, Bryan and lee, Dranzer Drigger and Wolfborg (in that order), Falborg with the sleeping turtle's head on his lap (MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! NOW!), and Rei and Kai.

The two new-comers were happily enjoying the attention they got from everyone, the third one still sleeping. Kenny had Tala all over him, both chatting away maniacally about marshmallows and mozzarella and paprika, Bryan and Lee were having a serious (and may I add creepy?) talk about all types of weapons, Falborg was afraid of moving (still freaked out when they was screamed at about waking the turtle; now paralyzed, but still looking at the cute face of Max); our Trio-now-Duo was fumbling at Drigger, who was to busy glaring at Kai to notice, and Rei was chatting animatedly with Kai (him doing talking, Kai doing the nodding). Actually, the only one who wasn't enjoying himself was Kai. Why? Well, because…

/Flashback/

(Drigger) Hey, out of curiosity, how old are you?

(Kenny) I'm mature; had my heat a few months back; Lee had his two years ago, and Max had his weeks ago.

(Drigger) Okay, then I don't have to defend you.

(Lee) Does that mean we have a kit among us?

(Dranzer) Yup, it's Rei.

(Lee) And who do we have to protect him from?

(Drigger) For a while: Kai. Well, at least until Rei's old enough, even if I hate saying it. He's the only one Rei wants to cuddle with! -mega-pout- Forever: Mariah. She's just plain stupid. Pssh. Rei-terrorizer. -evil glare-

(Kenny) Gotcha.

(Kenny & Lee) –nodnodnod-

/Flashback end/

Kai was so not happy when he found out he was now the only one who wasn't getting any. His disappointment charged in him full blast as he turned his head, only to have his eyes fall on Rei's lips. Groaning, he dropped his head back to lean on the head rest.

"Kai-kun, are you all right?"

Aaaah, Rei, our dear sweet Rei, always worrying about people… Kai couldn't answer; he was so red he looked like an over-ripe cherry, so he settled with a "…a-…" which Rei took as a "Yes". Rei thought he looked cute (even if a bit unhealthy) and squishggled him with a cute "Mew" coming out of his mouth. Kai froze, and after a moment he held Rei as well, although hesitantly (what? With all the glares! Normal!). In the past few days, Kai was wondering if he would sacrifice all his "fucking time" to wait for Rei, and if that was a good thing. He looked down, and thought 'Yes', and we all know how bad Kai gets when he needs someone… Aaah things one would do for Rei…

Drigger glared as he watched Kai hug the kitten; he still didn't like the idea of innocent sweet Rei with horny NOT-innocent Kai! NO HE DIDN'T! But then, he did last more than two days without humping any living creature (that excludes Voltaire and Doris and Mariah of course!), and that was really weird… and what was most weird was that he could feel hands –touching- him. Now why didn't he feel that before?

Aaaah… only piece… well, nothing much to state here, it's really peaceful! And now to ask, why? It's not normal. Hmmm… where's Emily?

outside 'Emily's thoughts'

' Grrr evil stupid Mariah she just had to jump the cute kid… if she dares touch him I will fry her in lava and expose her very embarrassing secret that she won't tell because she's scared to death of what others would think to the WORLD! Grrrr… '

"SCREAM"

Oops, something DID happen! Sorry Emily I'll leave you and your scary thoughts by yourselves! I gotta go and tell MY dear readers what happened! BYE! -runs away-

'Stupid author running away and leaving me with my own thoughts when I get her I'll…'

O… kaaay…

inside again

While I was dragging on about Emily's scary thoughts (because I forgot what I wanted to write), I just remembered an idea a dear friend of mine gave me and just had to jump in. so, while Emily was thinking about scary things to do to Mariah, Rei's ears quirked up, and he turned his head to Falborg. Kai, not happy that his Kitten didn't pay that much attention to him, glared at Falborg and asked:

"Oi, Birdie, what did you do that Rei had to look at you!" Oo, Kai, sooooooooooooo not obvious. Tch.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, and I suppose the squeak that we all heard from your direction was you brain talking? Or is it still on holidays?"

"SHUT UP! The turtle squeaked, not me!"

"Ooooh the turtle squeaked! Come on Kai-kun, let's go say hello to Max!" so Rei bounced off with Kai's hand in his. How he managed to bounce cutely with a not-so-light Kai behind him for less that 5 steps is beyond me. But he still did it, and cutely at that.

Two blue eyes peeped from that blanket (which I forgot to mention was baby-blue with little yellow ducks and little green frogs and little pink bunnies on it), and with a loud "SQUEAK" max hid under that blanket.

Max's thoughts

-giggle- in here no one can see me! –giggle-

end Max's thoughts

"Kai-kun, he just giggled…"

"I know…"

"Hey, max-kun, why did you giggle?"

"Because you can't see me! And I am safe here!"

-gasp- "Really!"

"Really!"

"Really really!"

"Really really!"

"COOL! Can I come there sometime!"

"Yup, whenever you want! Hey you sound cool! What's your name?"

"I'm Rei!"

"Hi Rei! I'm Max! But I suppose the others told you…"

"Yup they did! Hey why are you hiding down there?"

"Because when I woke up I saw a big scary bird that looked like he wanted to eat me!"

-gasp- "Kai-kun, Drig-kun, did you hear? Fally looked like he wanted to eat Maxie!"

-Kai and Drigger- "Why are we not surprised…" (1)

Wanting to know who talked to him (he has no idea what Rei looked like, he was sleeping the whole time.), he peeked out again, only to see…

"SCREAM" wow that was the scream from before…

"GETITOFFME! GETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Stupid Tala.

"Tala, why did you have to point you finger at him? You know he was scared, that's why he hid."

"I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF THE THING WAS ALIVE! -deep breath- -now all zen- now, would one of you be so kind as to GET THIS THING THE HELL OFF OF MOI!"

Wow, long live Georgina, the Mistress of all things Zen.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID AUTHOR! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Aaaahh… well, there goes the lovely afternoon I wanted to write…

* * *

That Max idea was from my dear friend KamiaKotai, whom I owe a lot to! Thanks, I love you!

(1) All the mature Pets and our hot Russian Trio are known for their very sexual and active and explicit life.

* * *

And make me hapi and review... LUFF Y'ALL! XP


	12. A Closet with WHAT in it!

THE EXAMS ARE OVER! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH! YEs, thank you, thank you for applauding... And thank God that I was interogated about Jean-Paul Sartre and not Victor Hugo... I mean, I love Hugo, butthis year's text was too hard. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you pple have no idea wtf I am talking about, right?

SO ON TO WHAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! And that is my Kitty In The Middle # 12. ENJOY!

* * *

Chapter XII: A Closet with WHAT in it!

* * *

The next few months were hell. Well, at least for Tala they were.

Kenny found that having a mate with the same tastes might be trouble (they would fight for the biggest cream-cheese and strawberry sauce covered steak; ew, and that would not be nice, and not to mention, opposites attract, right?), so he went to Bryan, and they seemed to get along rather well (for the fact that they have a lover's quarrel every two minutes and kiss make up faster than that -ooo bad Bryan (spanks) bad influence on Kenny-, and that Kenny is a blanket hogger, and Bryan drinks out of the carton) and dumped Tala (in the pond hahaha).

So, having to be fished out of the pond in 2 in the morning, he stomped, soaked and weed-full, into the palace, and tripped over a bumble of cloth, only to land face first on… max.

Or should I say 'lips first'? Because that was what happened; his faced was (nearly squashed) on Max's, lips (squashed as well) touching Max's, his elbows bent up so that his palms lay flat on the floor, on both sides of Max's head, their bodies aligning almost perfectly: a near perfect sight, sweet, if it weren't for the fact that Tala had been sweating like hell. Oh look, the rug is wet with pond water –and- sweat… I wonder why… -gets pummelled by Tala-

Tala's twitching reached critical state when he felt an evil aura coming from above him.

"Taaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…"

Oh great, just what he needed. A sleep-deprived Drigger, escaping from his Duo, seeping fury, catching him on a new Pet that, although he isn't Minor anymore, still looked like one.

After the war cry, I will let you imagine what Tala had to go through.

Oh, life was cruel to him…

Elsewhere, Bryan and Kenny were happily sharing an ice cream, sharing one spoon, and sharing practically the same thoughts. You know, 'he's hot, he's cute, I could kiss him, after the ice cream of course'. They seemed to be the only couple that was officially together. Oh, wait, they are.

So, THAT'S why every one else was dragging their weight like one would drag a struggling Mariah to the basement (the only way to keep her from breaking loose is to chains, rope, blindfold, plastic bag, electro shock, morphine, anesthetise her. 12 times). Well, all except Rei and Kai: Rei was just too happy to be in kai's arms, and Kai was happy holding him; until is junior thought it was time to show up, and then he joined the others in their Dooms March. But only then!

Well, one thing he could look forward to was Rei's turn to majority. Rei has been there for a few months now, and according to Drigger, he was nearing that day. So THAT was why he was emitting a honeyed smell… (Actually Rei was sending off pheromones for his mate to smell, that only his mate can smell, but you didn't hear that from me! (Drigger) what did you say? (Moi) AAAAA! (runs off for safety))

Well, while every one was on their Dooms March, he and Rei were cuddling on a couch. They just escaped the furious notorious obnoxious Mariah, and actually had more than 2 minutes of rest. They were here for 3 hours actually… 2/3 hours of peace… now it's getting suspicious... oh well, maybe she ga--

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIII!"

--ve up. Spoke too soon… so much for those 2/3 hours…Well, what to do? Easy! 1) grab Rei's hand 2) run off someplace where she might not find us and 3) rest and cuddle and enjoy her absence. Again…

But they didn't do that. Why? Because judging by the insupportable voice that exceeded 200 decibel, she was five feet from the door. So Kai could proceed with 1), but unfortunately, the Thing could move over 180 miles an hour, so he only had time to do 1) and ram Rei and himself into the closet of the room. No, not in that way, Rei is still too young; a few months short, but patience is a virtue ((Kai) –bonks- you? Virtuous? Ha! (Moi) buhuhuuu…).

Mariah stormed in the room, her screeching now surpassing the 200 decibel and Kai was never so thankful that all the wooden furniture in the building was so thick, but nevertheless didn't forgive them for making him hurt whenever he tripped on them.

Kai pushed Rei back until he hit the wall if the closet, but there was one teeny weenie problem. Why did it take so long to reach the end of it? When Rei did bump against the wall, he wondered why it felt weird. Rough rock, cold damp smell, something weird digging in his back that felt like…

"Kai-kun, why are there manacles attached to the walls? And why are the so low?"

Kai sweat-dropped, and reached out to turn on the switch. On the way there, the crawling hand felt a few objects he didn't want to know the identity of, nor the very existence, but had no choice when he turned on the lights.

It was…

A sex room… Kai hurriedly covered Rei's eyes with the 23rd cloth (he first found a black silk thong, then a blue silk thong, pink fluffy handcuffs which, btw, were NOT cloth.., oh lookie here, an orange G-string, neon green Speedos, a smelly old sock okay, wtFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU was THAT doing here, and so forth and so on…), he could find, after carefully telling Rei not to look because Drigger would be mad (no shit…),namely the only one-coloured eye-binder there was (some others had… 'inappropriate'… prints on them…), took his hand, and dragged him outside for dinner. Hey, he may have looked through 23 different CLOTHS, but there were a lot more different things over there… like dildos (-Rei- Kai kun, this funny stick thingy looks like my wee-wee… and it's shaking and moving all over the place… maybe it's cold? Oooh! Look, a kitty tail! Can I have one! –Kai- -blush—nosebleed-), ball gags (-Rei- Kai kun look, a necklace!), the various assortment of lube (-Rei- oooo Kai kun, look, there is so much lotion! Can I have the apple one?), whips (Kai kun, is this the same like the tail?), another type of dildos (Oooo Kai kun, look, a banana! Can I have one?), some body spread food (Mmmh Kai kun the chocolate syrup is yummy! -chocolate dribbles from mouth-), and I bet you guys and gals can use your imagination for everything else!

Once in front of Dining # 14, Kai screeched into a halt, Rei bumping behind him. Kai wanted to explode! The writing was minuscule, even a Lilliputian would have a hard fucking time reading that fuck! Well, at least his ass of a grampa had the gall to put glasses next to the note. It read:

My très cher petit fils,

Would you kindly make way to the Dining Hall # 21, we will be having our evening meal over there.

If you would be so honourable as to make a detour to your chambers and wear the presented articles on your sleeping furniture, I suggest you clothe yourselves with them as fast as possible, and join Moi.

Merci beaucoup,

I shall see you at the dinner table.

Later, they all went to Dining Hall # 21. it was very huge, very luxurious, and practically a copy-clone of the Versailles Ball room with an added table in the middle. They all grouped up to one side, shielding Rei from Mariah, who was placed on the other side of the table. Ever seen the palace of Versailles? The Ball room? The table is nearly as long, shorter by a few feet. You'd need binoculars to see and two mega phones to communicate with one another.

They were all dressed in French 18th century style, with huge gowns and stockings and laces that put into question every one's and every thing's sexuality. Well, at least here we know that most of them are gay, so no biggie.

Voltaire, dressed as the decapitated (but he's not head-deprived! … well, physically…) king Louis XVI, stood up, raised a glass, and chinked on it three times with a silver knife to get every ones attention.

"Mesdemoiselles, Messieurs, I must now reveal to you news that I have been discreeting (1) from all of thee, I profoundly hope you will have the necessary organ (2) to forgive my misacting. I have required the aiding of another persona, and have therefore recruited a young man who seemed rather enthusiastic about executing some rusty-paid labour. Please welcome him. Monsieur, if you will please enter and grace us with your presence…?

The door opened, only to reveal…

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

(1)(2) felt like utilising a tad of the infinitely nerve-bulldozer-ing vocabulary I use with my friends to annoy them sometimes. ;9

* * *

Three guesses who that is! I know! And now, REVIEW! You must feel honoured that I spend my yaoi reading&drawing time disgracing myself with a broken key board belonging to my brother! cries OH the FEAR! THE PAIN! Buhuhuhuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

And if there are any flames, then please, GO FISHING OR SOMETHIGN! So. Anything too harsh and straightforwardWILL FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND -cough--choke-be ignored, but anything pseudo-sophisticated and ridiculously expressed will be read, praised and taken into consideration.


	13. The Intruder

Heloo everyone! I am so sorry that I didn't update earlier, but I had to start cleaning up my room. Again. I cleaned it yesterday, but you kow how it is, the next hour it looked... meh. And packing for Japan. I AM GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY OVER THERE IN JULY! I am leaving on the 21st (Vienna time), and I hope I will pdate one more time by then. You all probably hate me by now for taking so much time and writing such a short chapter, I would hate myself too, but hey, I AM GOING TO JAPAN! So no time to feel like writing! Looking at prospects!

* * *

Chapter XIII: The Intruder.

* * *

Kai cringed at the abominable voice. How dare that thing return? Grrr he HATED IT! Couldn't he have one moment peace WITHOUT that horrifying thing! He unconsciously (and deliberately) slipped closer to Rei, who squishggled closer to Kai, liking the warmth emanating from the other's body. As difficult as it was with a gown (yes, Rei was wearing an XVIIIth century gown), he still leaned into Kai. Although he didn't seem to have a choice; Kai practically squashed him as soon as he heard the pain inducing voice.

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! WHERE WERE YOU ALL THAT TIME! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL! WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU TOLERATING THAT THING'S PROXIMITY! YOU LITTLE—"

"Tyson, if you would be so kind as to shut the hell up, please do." Another voice joined.

"HIRO! Oh my God THATNK YOU! Now please throw him out of the window."

"Sure thing Kai."

So it had been said, so it had been done. Tyson, male- and Kai-version of Mariah the Terrible, was bundled up and thrown out of the 2 340 000 $ worth crystal 9 foot XIVth century-style window by Hiro, short for Hiroshi, his older brother (and most certainly not brain damaged). Kai felt so hapi…

So Hiro and the silent dude behind him that didn't have the occasion to come out yet sat at the table, eating merrily, and teasing Rei oh-so-much. Hey, he was cute, red, in a dress, on Kai's lap, having his rear end fumbled like a party cake on a 2year old's party! Don't tell me you haven't seen a two year old and his slice of mushy cake? Very deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and searchiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing and thoroooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh… CX The embarrassing conversation went like this:

"Ooooo Rei you look nice in that dress."

"Yeah, exposes your shoulders veeeeeeeeeeeeery nicely!"

"Uh-huh, and with Kai's lovely smile, you must have a very nice toosh, so very nice one if he can feel you up through all the layers of cloth… unless he convinced you to wear a G-string…"

"HEY! How do you know that about the G-string!"

"Kai, you are so predictable…"

"-blush- Stop it! It's not that comfie… and I am sure that Kai-kun didn't mean for me to wear it, he probably made a mistake!"

Now that, dear people, that is just wrong. Kai most certainly did NOT not do that on purpose. No. Nu uh. Never. The whole table just sweat-dropped, and couldn't tell Rei the Truth of All Truths. He was simply too cute... Kai hugged his kitty a little tighter, happy that he went as far as to claim his non-existent innocence, and sighed happily...

And then this freak decided to come in again and ruin the 'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' mood that settled in thanks to Rei. Like this:

(Door slam open) "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! HERE COMES THE BRIIIIIDE! AAAAAL"

"Blobby and wide, see how he wriggles from side to side…"

At Tala's comment, everyone including invisible-pea-enemy Boris and duplo-Fork-lover Voltaire laughed. As in, very very hard. Drigger, not trusting Kai, sent in cat-language the translation of the song to Rei, who, finally getting, giggled with the rest. While giggling, he shook on Kai's lap, which rubbed against his crotch. Well, Kai must be feeling very comfortable down there, huh?

Dinner was another uneventful one. I think this is the third uneventful dinner I am describing? Oh well –shrugs- who cares. It was also a very predictable and loud one.

Hiro and the silent dude next to him, now known as Brooklyn, were near to making out on the table, so were Kenny and Bryan, and Drigger finally succumbed to Wolborg and Dranzer, not being able to pry their hands off him (not that he was complaining hahaha), Fally and Maxie thought that it would by okay to try to go out (seeing as Tala is still finger-traumatised, see chapter 11), and Tala and and Lee just sat next to each other for the hell of it.

But that was during Dinner. Now everyone was in front of the 23x27 foot large TV screen in the living room. Well… most of them. Drigger was with his followers upstairs, somewhere… -AHEM-ing; if the TV weren't on maximum volume the walls would be shaking for the moans instead. Yes you may have disturbing images. We're NOT talking about Tyson here. Speaking of which, his ass was glued (nearly; that really would be GROSS) in such a way that his nose would remain 12 ½ inches from the screening, leaning _backwards_. Just like Doris and Voltaire, but at least they had the dust-particled-brains to understand that 12 ½ from the TV screen is NOT healthy. Not at all. Kenny and Bryan were on a love seat. Max was curdled (cuddled) up in his Blankie nest to Tala, who was fidgeting for some unknown reason (my ass; see chap. 13), not wantig to fall 'lips first' ever again. Little did he know that the freaky cruel authoress had plans for the bastard… heheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… (Evil cackle)

Kai and Rei and Hiro and silent dude were occupying the four-personed couch faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar behind (far enough not to ruin the eyes… so very far.), and were happy about it. We shall now name silent dude Brooklyn, for the obvious reason that it would be rude to remain with the nameless… name… Brooklyn was a very Zen person, meditating and becoming one with nature taking up most of his time (though he seemed to enjoy much more 'becoming one' with Hiro…), and playing a lot with Rei, NOT to mention taking care of his… gender-and-fluids-exchanging-towards-innocence, no longer rendering him THAT innocent (NO not TAKING CARE by putting his &(#&$ up his &($&!).

No longer very INNOCENT innocent, Rei cannot wait for his majority year to arrive, much to Drigger's disappointment. All this went very fast ne? but hey, I also wanna get to the yummy part! And I have a better right to be impatient as I AM THE writer! CX Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh the strain of a perverted authoress…

(AHEM) Back to the story once more: Hiro and Brooklyn were cuddled in their part of the four-seated couch, looking so cute and hot at the same time (if that possibly may work), and the other two occtopied (octopus occupy! Hahahahaha) the other end, and were drowining in their own world of 'Oh-my-God-those-are-pretty-lips-I-wanna-kiss' and therefore leaning into each other… the moment seemed SO perfect…

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Oh no…"

"WHO LIVES IN THE PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEEEEEEE!"

"Not…"

"SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!"

The perfect moment was ruined but that yellow-pseudo-shower-utensil… Kai wanted to cry his eyes out, but settled for leaning his forehead on Rei's shoulder in a depressive manner, Rei patting him pitifully on the back.

"Poor Kai-kun… " and rubbed his own ears in the process of stopping the ringing the horrifying tuneless noise made (aka Spongebob song). Kai, seeing that he wasn't the only one allergic to the horrific racket, looked at Rei with a new found love (that he always had but was too sex-deprived to understand) and kissed his forehead, hugging Rei closely and gsinging softly into his ears to ease the suffering, completely ignoring that the other couch-occupants were also having problems coping with the blaring emanating from the visual telekinetic communicator (uh... TV?). Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa young love… so sweet, so selfish… (swoon)

… okay, embarrassingly I am running out of ideas, and saying this right here is humiliating, but honest, so forgive anything that may sound futile and ridiculous. I have a plan for the next few chapters, and like I said, THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS, so I can't write them here. Too soon, so sorry…

You might all be wondering where Lee is. He's in the library reading books, one particular one called… "Karma Sutra: The Extended Version for Unsatisfied Het-turned-Homos" and enjoying it deeply.

…

Let us let him enjoy it on his own okay? Okay! So!

Back to the giant TV room where the rest of the middle-of-no-where-luxury-palace-inhabitants; Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star and Squidward's Reign of Terror ended 15 minutes later, torturing Squidward and the four in the all-the-way-back-four-seat-couch-occupants for that very length of time, and thankfully ending at that length of time.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand unfortunately recommencing Tyson's act of utterly, purely, disturbingly deep infatuation towards Kai. Again.

"Kai KUN! You promised we will marry and you will fuck me hard up my ass and enjoy it and expressing it by saying 'I love you!' and—"

"YOU CONRNERED ME IN THE SNAKE-BASEMENT AND THREATENEED TO KILL ME WITH A BAZOOKA WHEN WE WERE FOUR!"

-and everybody (present in body AND spirit, surprisingly including Doris and Voltaire) shut their yaps to witness what would happen afterwards. They all turned their heads between a grinning (disgustingly I might add) Tyson, a wide-mouthed and embarrassed Kai, and a speechlessly shocked Rei.

Kai just said that he actually agreed to the forced proposal, keywords being 'agreed' and 'proposal', NOT 'forced'.

"Kai-kun, did you really say that? Did you really say yes?"

Looking into those sweet eyes, Kai couldn't lie. He nodded.

BIG mistake. Rei stood up and ran away. Those who believe that truth hurts are absolutely right; Kai got a hard kick in the (&#$) when Rei stood up. Yup, truth dies hurt...

"NO! Rei, it wasn't like that!" Kai shouted, and ran after him… well, as much as his limp allowed him to in all his pain.

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIiiiii… You are SO doomed…" only to be paralyzed by an evil aura. Or should I say more than one…?

* * *

So, there ya go. It's Tyson. I don't HATE Tyson, I just HATE the TyKaTy pairing. It should be exterminated. Just like the ReiMariah (that isn't bro-sis) pairing. And the SasukeSakura (Naruto) pairing. Ew. Ewie Ew Ew.


	14. Two Fights and No Solution

Hello to all, I really am sorry that this came late, but all the important stuff are down on the bottom in the 3 part. ENjoY this Chapter!

WARNING: I don't own, and this chapter id friggin short and a waste of time, but it is necessary!

* * *

Chapter XIV: Two Fights and No Solution

* * *

Kai was leaning against the wall of Dining Hall # 007, looking cool, looking tough, looking unbreakable, looking… 

Kidding, Kai was in Dining Hall # 007, cowering in the darkest corner of the Room, whimpering and whining like a babe. The reason? He had the rest of the Palace-inhabitants (minus TWO CERTAIN ASSES) glowering at him. I mean, he had everyone with the exception of those two stand in a half circle around him, with the creepy background and sparkly eyes- thing from the anime (the one when we see a jealous girlfriend).

The more-than-one-evil-aura's weren't only sprouting black clouds; no, they also sprouted little demons flying around, horns (that, if they could, would grow 2 feet), clashes of lighting, all accompanied with Johannes Sebastian Bach's 'Toccata and Fugue' humming in the background. And if none of you know that piece, then please, culture yourself and check it out!

All of our dear friends had the same thing in their mind; make Kai pay for his stupidity and for hurting Rei-Rei. What happened? This:

_Rewind (quote from previous chapter)_

"Kai KUN! You promised we will marry and you will fuck me hard up my ass and enjoy it and expressing it by saying 'I love you!' and—"

"YOU CONRNERED ME IN THE SNAKE-BASEMENT AND THREATENEED TO KILL ME WITH A BAZOOKA WHEN WE WERE FOUR!"

-and everybody (present in body AND spirit, surprisingly including Doris and Voltaire) shut their yaps to witness what would happen afterwards. They all turned their heads between a grinning (disgustingly I might add) Tyson, a wide-mouthed and embarrassed Kai, and a speechlessly shocked Rei.

Kai just said that he actually agreed to the forced proposal, keywords being 'agreed' and 'proposal', NOT 'forced'.

"Kai-kun, did you really say that? Did you really say yes?"

Looking into those sweet eyes, Kai couldn't lie. He nodded.

_End Rewind (End Quote)_

Well, there ya go. So, long story short: while Kai was limping after Rei, Rei managed to escape from his grasp, being a lot faster than a Bishonen limping with a bruised and injured Pride (wink)); the pain was so great, he simply broke down, and decided to express his pain in a ridiculously humiliating long whine.

Behind him were 14 people behind him, looking at him whimpering on the floor 1. 12 of them were advancing slowly, like the Men in Black when they enter into action. Only without the suits 2. If we were in a manga, we would be able to see those thinking-bubbles full of murder-plans. But then maybe it's a good thing this is only in words, for the images were OFF LIMITS. In every. Single. Way.

Those 12 picked the Writhing Kai up as they reached him, and carried him to the Dining Hall # 007. They called it 007 cos it sounded cool 2, and they needed a cool name for a 36 cornered room with grey pastel colours. Once in there, they dumped him somewhere into one of the 36 corners. They each took a seat on the 36 chairs, leaving 24 chairs empty. And they all crossed their arms in the same time (think Equilibrium-attitude 2). Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally freaky.

Feeling how the pain slowly subsided, Kai lifted himself to his feet, using the wall as a support. Once all the way up, as in on his feet, he leaned against the pastel grey concrete and crossed his arms, closing his eyes.

NOW he was leaning against the wall of Dining Hall # 007, looking cool, looking tough, looking unbreakable, looking like The Ice-Queen himself. Unfortunately for him, it would really be like that if his crossed legs would only stop quivering, proving that he was in real pain. Seeing that, the authoress pressed the pause-button for Kai, and turned around with the rest of the characters and bent over snickering, glad to see him in pain for hurting Rei-chan. Regaining some face, she and the others turned around, regained the cold harsh face, and pressed the play-button. Kai, having been frozen for that period of time, didn't catch any of that. He still stood there, looking like a well trained soldier in face, and looking like a Loser-who-had-his-groin-abused down below.

Voltaire stood up, looking frightening and murderous despite his duplo spoon in his hand; now standing half a foot in front of Kai, and looking more ready to kill the Arnold Schwarzenegger in is Terminator-role, he took a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath and began his uber-long lecture on mistreating his favourite Pet (got glares there) and soon-to-be-grand-son-in-law-and-mummy-of-great-grand-children. And when Voltaire lectures, it is a strategic mixture of a 2 year old tantrum, a teenage/PMSing- or pregnant woman ranting and a perfectly coherent and convincing Politician-speech.

That will take a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time… especially since he had another 11 people and pets waiting to give him the lecture (and, occasionally, the beating) of his life…

BUT! … where are the other two of the fourteen people I recounted in this fic!

-

-

-

-

-

-

They are elsewhere, plotting against our beloved Rei and Kai… and if that wasn't clear I was talking about Mariah and Tyson. And it's darn difficult to write a revenge scene that is supposed to be hilarious and cruel at the same time, and the entire plot work when I am drowning in a quick-sand pond of No Ideas, and listening to 'Kokomo' form the Beach Boys.

Then again, maybe not.

Tyson was still foolishly convinced that Rei was 'ugly', being so 'ickishly kittenish' and would look absolutely repulsive in a coconut bra and straw-strung skirt, and therefore planned for him to perform a hula dance for Kai and turn him off. We all know that that would NOT be the case.

Mariah, being the smart Rei-obsessed girl that she is, disagreed completely, saying that Ray is Ultimately Cute and Adorable with capital 'U', 'C' and 'A', and that Kai would immediately jump him and do stuff only SHE was allowed to, and that Kai should be the one to wear the straw skirt and coconut bra, as he was a muscled Bishonen, he would look absolutely ridiculous in it. We all know that is true, but we all also know that his back muscles will be on display, and who wouldn't drool on that?

That being Tyson's argument, he further proceeded with taking Mariah's, same words, names reversed (except that Rei don't have that nay back muscles on display…).

And they continued ping-pong-ing with this one argument, throwing it back and forth, on an unknown space of time. To any normal person, repeating several times the same argument with the same words names reversed would result in the search of new arguments of a simple fist fight. But we're talking about MARIAH and TYSON here, so… you get it. Let's just say that the F they got for Creative Arts was explained all the more. They then proceeded into arranging a Marshmallow-Fight, consisting of Marshmallows and the Act of throwing everything around. And then probably eating them if temptation was too strong.

And during all of this, no one wondered where Rei went. Okay, well, they did at first, but decided that while he cool down they could A) yell at Kai or B) beat each other up while deciding who is cuter: Kai or Rei; Rei wasn't really cooling down. Actually, he felt like he was heating up.

Now, what could that mean…? (3)

* * *

(1) I had to re-read my whole fic to count all my characters… that was tiring… 

(2) I was bloody desperate… I would never use those things if I weren't.

(3) I had no idea how else to finish. This is a crappy chapter because 1) my grandfather was brought to a home, which is good, considering his failing health and that he deserves to be pampered and cared for 24 hours a day, and 2) i was working on proper lemons for SW and Rainy Day. They will come as soon as possible, hopefully tomorrow. Good read guys!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I AM GOING TO JAPAN! I AM SO HAPPY! YAOI MANGAS GALORE!


	15. Pot Roast

Okay, the update is late, and I think I posted two or three other fics. Guiltily, I must admit, because I wanted to finnish this one first, but I juat couldn't think of anything. Today, however, I thoughtI should just sit down in front of the computer, and type my ass away, for all of your pleasure. I am really sorry I couldn't think of anything alse, but it takes a hell of a lot of strengh not to put anything either philosophical or stupid.

I really tried to keep up with the humour, but an ass at school started to rave about some uselss shit that caused quite some commotion. Something that shouldn't be talked about before a hilarious fic!

So forget about that and enjoy this fic, and I hope you can understand the title of the chapter!! XD

* * *

**Chapter XV:** Pot Roast

* * *

Can you believe it? It's been a week since anyone, and literally ANYONE hade seen Rei. No one. Nobody. None of our fourteen characters had seen him. Since a _week_.

And what's worse, every one seemed to be getting some, except him and his ripe-old companions.

Meaning? Brooklyn and Hiro were at it since day one; Bryan and Kenny were having the time of their life since… some where in the last chapters where they were sharing an ice cream. Boris was doing God knows what (_I _know and _I don't want to_!!!), Voltaire was another one being frigid for every one else's sanity, Emily got herself a useful tool (with the lovely prejudice of 'Men can't satisfy a gay woman') since forever, Drigger was being passed on as a useful piece of Uke between his three suitors, hell, even Tala got over his… whatever he had and had Max riding him!!! And you won't believe who the actual Seme in their relationship is… (AHEM!!! I rest my case!)

What was even worse was normally he didn't get affected by every one else's hot sex life, but since nearly a week, there was this strong smell in the air, almost like pheromones, that got everyone on horny –mode, especially him. He couldn't remember ever feeling so depressed in his entire life! Oh GOD!!! He begged, I have never gone to church as a good catholic oy, and I doubt I will ever be able to go there without the sense of dread beforehand and the sinful thoughts of my kitty instead of the Ave Marias, but please, I promise I will at least confess without being to explicit!!! I promise!!! Oh God have mercy!!!

Unfortunately for him, by the time he gathered the guts and hormone-free senses it was dinner time one week after Rei-Rei's disappearance, every one was having the time of their life in their own special way, in their own corner of the Palace, completely ignoring our poor Kai-Kai and drowning in bliss, while he wailed and screamed and howled in severe erectional pain, and our dear Father in heaven was having his day off. Burdening the Tower of Pisa even more with his catatonic weight or something like that. So nobody paid heed to our dear prince's pleas and cries of suffering…

So we had a lovely image of him bawling his eyes out and dripping snot handsomely by the tons in the immense backyard, nearly cracking the artistically oarinted crystal walls of the greenhouse right behind.

He was effectively shut up by a threre inched leather boot thrown into his face. And another. And another. Until he was sure that each and every other person living in the place had thrown three pairs of shoes at the least in the very direction of his face. He was so done over he couldn't utter a single protest when our El Janitoré came and scrapped the left over's off the precious marble floor. When It moaned, he went back inside, thinking It was some kind of mutated goo Professor Voltaire left to move around by itself again. When he came back, he cursed colours that would bring a rain bow to shame. Shit, he said. Not again. Well, he added, I hope he won't find that one, like he didn't find the one that transformed his harmless peony into a Chihuahua-eating crawling six-legged and seven-foot-tall weed. He then whistled and strolled away, making the very hard decision of either a caramel or hazelnut hot chocolate from Starbucks, with or without whipped cream.

We shall leave the important decision to himself.

* * *

Kai, now, dragged his soot-covered arse into the most dreaded part of the entire palace. The East Wing. Pseudo-french-Lumière-Philosopher's-name dude aka his gramps' domain. He felt disgusted and fear-induces icy shivers run down his spine, his arms, his legs and the rest of his body, not excluding anything. And yet, this is where the maddening smell came from!!!

Kai couldn't believe it! That arousing scent, those pheromones, the very stuff that were driving him stalk-raving-mad (besides his obvious loneliness and sexual frustration that was apparent from the beginning anyway) came from where that pruney old lump of shrivel spent his disgusting days doing who-knows-what who-knows-when and who-knows-how!!! Oh now he was worried!!! He didn't suddenly have the hots for his grandfather, did he??! And an UNGLY one too!!!

Kai decided not to succumb. No matter what his traitorous body would demand of him, no matter what his clouded senses would seduce him to commit, no matter what his primal instincts were inciting him to, he would resist with all he could, with hall he had, with all his fucking hot arse was given. He would stand up, he would fight valiantly, he would draw his sword and attack at any sign of weakness shown by the enemy. He would not give in. he would not give his enemy the satisfaction of seeing him down (1).

A lot of good that did him. He ended up crawling elegantly to the door with the funny smell. When his hand was fiveinches from the wood, a lightening bolt nrealy fried it. Confused and still clouded by the weird smell, he glared cross-eyed at the sky, the only logical origin of the assassination attempt. Looking down from his heavenly thrown, our Lord God hid guiltily behind a cloud. He thought that the creepy-crawly was some kind of mutant-cockroach thingy that looked like a sick cross between a Chihuahua and a dung beetle. And because of that horrendous apparel, he didn't recognize the one Man he in fact did make in his image. Peeking down once more, he hurriedly ran to St Peter, thinking up some phoney excuse to annoy him.

While cursing God for being so damned i blind /i , he banged the door wiiiiiiiiiiiiiide open with his new-found strength. And he saw…

* * *

… how everyone was packing gigantic suitcases into a gigantic helicopter. A giant _yellow_ chopper. And bloody friggin bright. What the hell…?

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him. Meaning everyone stopped schlepping heavy duty boxes into a uselessly gigantic chopper.

"What we are doing? We are packing for our trip to Spain. Aren't you coming with us, boy?" asked Voltaire. Kai could just stare with a wiiiiiiiiide open mouth.

"Hey, Kai-sama, my- _our_ beloved, intelligent, smart, handsome, dashing, daring, lovely, hot, brave, schmexy Voltaire just asked you a question!!!" barked out a leaf-skirt wearing Boris. With a sombrero. And a Hawaiian shirt.

"I will ingnore all the faulty complimants and say yes, I heard him. And I remember. We are going to Spain. What I don't understand is why you are wearing such crap when they do not correspong to the country we are currently heading to."

A dead silence rang through the air. Until noticed a flash of something black and shiny. And it smelled irresistible… like before… like…

"Rei!!!"

He moved towards the chopper, wanting to get in and catch up with his love. Instead, he found himself with an armful of disgusting, slobbery Tyson. Who (mysteriously) got shot off into a multi-dimensional box, that was actually just a normal XXL carton, and dumped him into the 'special luggage compartment', which was just a bunch of string hanging from the tail of the flying vehicle, dangling the cargo attached at a safe height of 10000 meters above ground, and made in Azoo. An imaginary country that made the several records, among them being the most indebted country in the world, acting filthy rich and living above their standards, being assholes to the neighboring countries and making the worst quality artefacts in the entire multiverse. And they're friggin proud of it.

But I digress; indeed they were now all in the chopper, on the way to Spain, enjoying the peace and quiet of the several-roomed place. Who knew that forty five rooms _could_ be built in a helicopter? The passengers much more enjoyed the slight squawking noises from outside, that came from the trailing cargo behind. It was nice to hear them suffer… but then…

"Hey, Kai's Granddad" yelled a squished-by-Max Tala "What are we gonna do this time in Spain? Are we gonna watch that bull-fighting thing again? That was awesome!!!"

"YEAH!!!" yelled Dranzer, accompanied by his other two moronic companions "it was awesome!!!"

"Now, now, boys, we all know that i that /i sort of activity is immoral and distasteful, and just as useless as death penalty. Think of something else, like the food for example." Voltaire said ina philosophical manner.

Drigger and Emily nodded simultaneously. Kai just banged against the door, where he thought Rei was. Rei just looked at him in the door behind him, accusingly.

"For once that old freak is right." Said Drigger.

"Exactly" added Emily from the cockpit (2), and full of sarcasm said "Honestly, I bet it must be just THAT exiting to see one lone, strong, brave, specimen of a man, standing fearlessly in front of a half a ton of furious, angry, steaming pot-roast."

* * *

1) What enemy? His dick?

2) I SOOOOO had to try to not laugh at this. I mean; cockpit, what kind of perverse pig invented i that /i word??? Pffff…

* * *

Und? whaddya think? Review please!!!


End file.
